Source: http://www.cagle.com/news/PoliticallyCorrectChristmas/images2/crowson.jpg

I know, I know, bah hum bug. Bad Nanette! We all know it is true, though. My own brother is getting about a million and three presents this Christmas, 98% of which he will forget he got before February rolls around. It will end up becoming expensive clutter that fills every corner, crack, and crevice in a house already crowded by pat holidays.....not that I am bitter nor pessemistic.

Jay Z's 99 Problems

Okay, this one is getting posted specifically for my good friend Bryan, my favourite Chuck Norris fanatic....or at least Chuck Norris Humour Fanatic!

I found it here: http://www.sheriff.oxyuk.net/99problems/. Go Check it out!

oh, now Bryan, this little chart does not neccessitate another flood of Chuck Norris jokes to my inbox....oh alright, cutie pie go ahead! And then I will email you ten pics of my dog.

Double Standard, Double Take

I found this funny cartoon on The Jokester. Poor Ethel, I am on her side.

I rememebr when I used to pose the argument that it is so unfair that hairy, out of shape men can walk all around all day around downtown half naked but ladies of equal or better propotions can't. Now I will be honest, it did not occur to me even once that the provincial government would rectify this unfair law by dismissing it and making it legal for women to go around topless. My sincere hope was that the government would instead, upon acknowledging the said unfairness, create a like law to stop overweight, hairy men from walking around the streets of Toronto unless fully and modestly clothed.

Nope, now we are stuck with both the Ethels and the husbands of the country walking around in (almost) all of their glory....although I will be honest and say I have yet to actually see a topless Ethel. Just some attention hungry 20-30 year olds.

Funny photos courtesy of InnocentEnglish.com. Yes they have more, go check them out!

Commercials a la Eric O'Shea

If only ad agencies did not need artist's permission to use songs in commercials. But isn't that song already being used in a phone commercial?

I'm With Stupid

Photo courtesy of: http://www.nsharp.org/gallery/user-uploaded/iws.htm

Seeking Advice, Please Help!

Source : http://roflsaurus.com/users/public/w42728problems49.jpg

Training kids is like training puppies, right?

Last night I went to dinner with my mother, little brother, and his friend Danny. My brother and Danny ordered from the kids menu (despite my brother's many protests) and so they had their choice of entree, side, and dessert.

About half way through my brother's pizza (his entree choice) it became very obvious that he was getting full. My mom suggested he stop eating and wait for his dessert to come. The rest of his pizza could be wrapped up for next day's lunch. Not content to leave food on his plate when he had a perfectly good belly to store it in, my brother started picking the toppings off of his pizza. Seeing him reach for a giant slice of pepperoni, I told him not to pick at his pizza because he wouldn't want it for lunch without any toppings on it. Well the little bugger ignored me! Pretending he didn't hear what I was saying, he peeled the pepperoni off the pizza.
"Joe" I said sternly "Put that down."
Again he ignored me and started bringing it to his mouth. This time my mother gave it a go,
"Joe listen to your sister!"
No response. Mad as hell at his impertinence, didn't even think about what I was doing. I simply lifted up my hands and clapped very loudly three times. This is what I do when my Boston terrier puppy, Stella, ignores me in the manner that Joe was at that moment. The funny part is that Joe, my mother, and Danny all reacted in the same manner as Stella would have if she were there. They all dropped what they were holding and sat up straight! How funny; they even folded their hands in their laps.

Luckily for all of us, the waitress came by shortly after that to take our plates away and bring the kids' desserts. Joe's pizza was safely wrapped up so I hope he enjoys his lunch today.

Brief Stay In Banff, Alberta and Grandma's Potty Mouth

So after stopping in at Canmore for coffee and Mark's first and only Italian Soda, it became very apparent that we weren't going to make it much farther. Our flight had left Toronto at 7am and we decided that we should get to the airport at about 5:30am, which turned out to be the exact right time because we weren't rushed but we definitley did not have time to lolligag either. So we caught an express coach from the Westin Harbour Castle at some crazy time like 4:50am. The coach was excellent. It cost $17 per person, one way and made the rush to the airport much more relaxing. The night before we had dropped Stella and Nellie off at my mother's and then went home to finish packing. We ended up getting less than three hours sleep!

We pushed on to Banff despite our quickly draining energy. We arrived at about 5pm, Alberta time. It was just in time, actually to see a forest fire in cation. Some kids' campfire got away from them. A helicopter awas called in to drop water on the fire and we left when it became apparent that it would quickly be under control.

After briefly considering a $150 stay at the Hot Springs resort, we chose an $85 dollar room at the other end of town. The hotel was clean and comfortable. Our room had two double beds and we promptly fell asleep on top of the covers, horizontally across the one farthest from the window. We woke up fully clothed the next morning. So much for our plans to enjoy the spring weather and quaint town with a leisurely stroll to one of Mark's favourite Banff restaurants. We had ambitiously hoped to enjoy the Hot Springs after dinner.

In the morning Mark and I did visit the hot springs but they were closed until 10am so we just went for a mini hike and headed out. We have both been to Banff before (although not together) so I wrote a review of Banff on Helium, please check it out.

Last night we went to Mark's Mom's for a big family dinner and were telling some of our vacation stories. Other people started telling their vacation stories and that is when I remembered that vacation stories are rarely fun for anyone other than the people who were actually on the vacation (yet here I am insisting on blogging about my holiday in great detail). Mark's grandmother started to get bored with the conversation. I must of looked bored too because she started whispering jokes to me. At first they were kind of lame and I giggled mostly to be polite. Encouraged by my giggling, she told more and more and they proceeded to get dirtier and dirtier! This 82 year old woman was telling me the most uncomfortably dirty jokes ever! I am not going to go into detail but several involved May West and one invoved both May West and a cow....yucky.

Fart Sniffing Dog is Ruining My Professional Image

A common problem among Boston Terriers is that they often, well, fart. And not girly little farts that make guests giggle, I mean really smelly, eye watering, clear out a room, silent but deadly killers. I have explained this to my friends and most are very forgiving although still grossed out when it happens. The funny thing about my Boston, Stella is that, unlike everyone else within 20 feet, she does not seem to notice her own gaseous emmissions. At the same time, if anyone or anything else lets out a little fart, her ears will perk up and she will exitedly sniff out the source of the offensive odour. Her cute little pug nose will follow the trail right to the offender.

This weekend I had a couple of friends over for conversation, wine and appetisers. We were all having a nice time when all of a sudden the room filled with that familiar, Stella induced stench. Everyone in the room turned to my Boston Terrier puppy and in almost perfect unision exclaimed "Stel-la". Well, Stella's ears perked right up and she started sniffing the air. My boyfriend and and I stared at eachother in horror as she excitedly started following her nose. My guests did not immediately understand what was happening but all watched Stella with immense interest. Before I had time to react, Stella quickly sniffed her way over to one of our guests (who just moments ago had accused her of being the odor causing culprit), struggled up onto the sofa and shoved her face right in his butt! She was so excited and proud that she found the source of the smell, she started barking and growling.

How embarrassing! Of course, with the exception of one very embarrassed guest, every one of us started laughing. Most of us laughed so hard that we cried! Even though it happened a couple days ago, everyonce in a while the image of Stella sniffing out that fart will pop into my mind and I will start laughing all over again. I have burst into laughter twice at work today, once in the middle of a meeting!

Articles to Share. Feedback Appreciated

I completely forgot to write a blog entry yesterday. I did however write an article (on another site) about my decision to get a business degree. This is the third article I have written for that particular site and I will provide the links to all three in the hopes that you are interested in reading them.

Deciding if A Business Degree is Right for You – this article is about my decision (which floored everyone I knew) to get a business degree.

My Funniest Gardening Experience – this article is about my first and last gardening experience.

Smart Spending vs. Being a Cheapskate – this article includes five basic tips for telling the difference between the thrifty and the inexcusably cheap.

I would really appreciate any feedback so please come back here and leave comments! Oh, keep in mind that I do not have much control over the titles!